I'm following you
by Alannada
Summary: Story about Luthien and Beren from Thuringwethil's point of view.


A/N

Disclaimer - all characters and places belong to J. R. R. Tolkien.

A text I wrote some time ago for 30 Days of Femslash ( alannada . tumblr post / 95183541429 / 30 - days - of - femslash - day - 2)

I'm following you.

I will always follow you, my fair, fair one. It was the sentence, the need, which led me through cold Nothern fields, through loneliness and fear - I knew that I will always follow you and it was my strength. Even when I witnessed the wrath of the Mighty Arising who was now the Black Foe I was able to think only about you and your safety.

I am here, beside you, fairest of the Children, perfect flower from Doriath, my nightingale… Do you hear me? You are sitting in your bed motionless, looking through the window at the rain outside. Please, stay here, my nightingale, because I cannot follow you to Mandos' Halls.

I remember - it was a lovely day and life on Tol-in-Gaurhoth was peacaful. We had a pack of new captives, a group of elves and a Secondborn. Lord Sauron was playing with them, I could hear his wolves howling and making all those wolven sounds. I was sitting in my chamber on top of the tower, embroidering a new cloak for myself and singing songs of power silently.

It was short after the duel between one of the elves, a blonde lord, and lord Sauron. Their songs were strong and the tower was trembling for long hours, but Gorthaur was stronger and soon the elf fell before his power. The blonde elf died during this day after fighting with a great wolf. One could hear cries of the lonely Secondborn and it was like music of the rain. Except of this noise t the place was silent. Until you came.

It was when I saw you the first time, a bold maiden, standing on the middle of the bridge, a giant dog by your side. You sang a song so sweet and tender that I laid my work aside and went to the window to look at you. Lord Sauron sent his wolves to catch you, but your dog protected you and your songs rang against his power. He went to fight with you by himself and he failed, one of the strongest of us. He fleed and you remained here as the ruler of this place.

Oh, you were so fair and strong, my nightingale.

I fleed from the tower, remaining in the shadows and following you. During the winter it was me who was bringing to you deers and rabbits your lover could kill so you had something to eat. When Curufin wounded your lover it was me who showed Huan the herb which helped you heal him.

When you decided to follow Beren to Angband and Huan came to Tol-in-Gaurhoth it was me who took Draugluin's skin off his corpse and gave to the Hound of Valinor. I also gave him my magical cloak so it could protect you, fair one. I don't know if Huan knew who I was, I appeared before him as an elf.

Then I followed you, as always, knowing that you will go to face a great danger. I gave to you my great wings, my magical cape, so I must follow you on my feet - it was why I came to Angband too late. Master was screaming and destroying random things, his servants left the fortess to hunt for you and for Carcharoth. I ran after you, I followed you, afraid that I will never see you again, that someone will kill you, my love.

But you returned to Doriath, your lover fought with Carcharoth. Huan fell and Beren is dead… And you, my fair love, are fading now. I never dared to wish to have your love. I only wanted you to be happy, even if your happiness would be shared not with me but with Beren. I only want to follow you, forever. You don't look at me, an elven woman, one of your servants. You're crying, weak and sad. I know you will fade today, my love, and leave Middle-Earth.

And I wish I could follow you.

You are sitting on your bed, pale and silent, tears are running down your cheeks when you are looking through the window. You are but a shadow of your true self, strong and fair, optymistic and noble. I am kneeling beside your bed, the last one who is by your side. I will never leave your side as long as I can follow you. I was taking care of you since this night when I saw you on the bridge, even if you could look at me only through those last days. I feel your cold hand on my palm and look up to your fair face, your darkened eyes full of sorrow. You are looking at me, into my eyes, into my very self. Do you know what I forsook for you? Do you know it was me who was helping you and your lover? Do you know how much I love you? Do you know who I am? Do you know how much I want to follow you?

Do you know…?


End file.
